if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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