Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Send help, water and tortillas.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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