You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm gonna fight the coyote
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
