Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
