your room smells of hookers.
And success
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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