Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
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GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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