i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
