I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I think your dad took our porno
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Randomize
