Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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