Im at strip club and am horny
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I wish you could order shots online.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
