Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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