I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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