Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
