I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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