glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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