just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
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