I just threw up on my dentist
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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