Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
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