Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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