but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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