no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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