the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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