She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
