Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
