I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
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