mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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