so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Small penises have feelings too.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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