meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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