Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
