this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
