Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
