Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
