He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Randomize
