I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
