He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
We had sex on a dog bed..
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
