his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
