the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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