then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
