I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
