..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
