I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
