i already hear my dad disowning me
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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