I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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