Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
