Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
