Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
It's shark week go big or go home
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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