Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
