my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
