Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
