The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
