He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
