Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
