Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
