I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
You smell like stripper and shame
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
