I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
do herpes really smell.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
