she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
