You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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