I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
