im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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