He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
