weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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