So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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