Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
