Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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