Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
