first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
