I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
