is your mom at the bar?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
