Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
