Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
