she was so not down for the gang bang
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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