I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
