I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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