I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
