You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
