It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
