Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
