I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
You are a genius and a whore.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
