how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
