I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
