he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
