Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
