I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
