the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
