well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
