when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
